


John Is Kidnapped. Again.

by anemptymargin



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Kink Meme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-16
Updated: 2011-01-16
Packaged: 2017-10-14 19:33:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/152709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anemptymargin/pseuds/anemptymargin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>See title.</p>
            </blockquote>





	John Is Kidnapped. Again.

**Author's Note:**

> Fill for anon prompt over on the Sherlock kink meme. Short, little thingy.

_Prompt: Word gets around the criminal fraternity that it's really, really easy to kidnap John Watson. All you have to do is drive up to him in a big black limo and he gets right in..._

 

The first time John Watson is kidnapped, it is completely understandable - evil mastermind and all that. The second time it is excusable, but not without question. By the third time Sherlock cannot fathom how an otherwise capable individual could end up in his enemy’s hands. The fourth time it’s just outright ridiculous. By the fifth time, Sherlock was certain that not even John could be so blind.

 

“Really, John… again?” Sherlock sighed, barely regarding the common thug who held a snub-nosed pistol to his companion’s head. “Did you place an ad in the _Telegraph_?”

 

“It isn’t like I planned for this to happen.” John muttered, eyes straight forward - locked onto his own weapon that Sherlock had somehow managed to retrieve from where he’d been nabbed before coming to his rescue. “I had planned on taking a long bath and watching a match tonight.”

 

“Right… right… and somehow you ended up tied to a chair. At least it isn’t explosive this time, I suppose.” Sherlock sighed, “Do they offer you candy or a kitten or something?”

 

“It was a limousine, Sherlock. Kidnappers don’t normally send a big fancy black limousine.”

 

“And you would know.” Sherlock sighed again, turning his attention to the perpetrator. “You really should be ashamed of yourself, you’re a terrible henchman. They must have found you on craigslist.”

 

“Perhaps it isn’t a good idea to berate the man with the gun to my head.”

 

The brute dug the metal harder against John’s temple. “Your little friend has a point, Holmes. Give me the plans and we’ll be done with this messy business.”

 

“Please.” Sherlock shook his head. “Did the ad read something like; ‘Wanted, idiot to kidnap man with damsel in distress fetish. Must have own limousine.’ Or was that your idea?”

 

“That is preposterous, Sherlock.” John’s voice shook slightly.

 

“If it was a real gun you’d need fresh trousers.” Sherlock looked the brute in the eyes as he spoke, confirming that he was indeed correct about the weapon. “I should look into one of those microchips they put in pets.”

 

“The gun isn’t real?”

 

“No.” Sherlock stepped forward, pushing John’s pistol against the large henchman’s chest. “But this one is, and I am very upset about my time being wasted.”

 

Slowly, the thug lowered the fake weapon, dropping it to the ground with a heavy thud. “It wasn’t my idea! Boss said he had to get you out of his way for a few hours.”

 

Sherlock sighed again as John began to rock his shoulders - attempting to struggle out of his bonds more eagerly than before. “Right, now why does that sound familiar.” Already having put it together, he didn’t need to check the text that chirped in his pocket.

 

 _The underground is abuzz with your penchant for rescuing the Princess._

 _Thank you for the opportunity to upgrade your security detail._

 _MH_

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of fictional parody in no way intended to infringe upon the rights of any individual or corporate entity. Any and all characters or celebrity personae belong to their rightful owners. Absolutely no money has or will be gained from this work. Please do not publicly link, repost or redistribute without letting me know first.


End file.
